When Babies Cry

My "difficult" baby just turned 5. I don't know how I survived it, but I did. Since I was a first time mom, I didn't really know what to expect. I just figured babies cried and I was going to have to get used to it. But I wasn't expecting the difficulty breastfeeding, the engorged breasts, the mastitis, feeling like I was going to die, sleeplessness, fatigue, frustration, and yes, even anger. When all of my feelings climaxed to the point of anger, I had to do something.

My baby cried a LOT and I couldn't make him stop. Every day, something different would work. There was no pattern, no sense, just the luck of the draw, I suppose. We swaddled, we rocked, we paced, we pacified, we fed, we stroked, we strolled outside...and every night it seemed that something different would work. But only after HOURS of trying. We would prop him up on our shoulder, pacing and patting, pacing and patting. He would go to sleep. Or so we thought. Out of gruesome fatigue, we would HAVE to sit down...slowly. And the minute he felt his feet touch our laps, he would wake, screaming again.

Not much was on TV at 3 am. So we watched Country Music Television. Billy Gillman was big then, and I have to say I really loved his videos and so did my baby. I prayed for his videos to come on because for some reason, they soothed our Screamer.

At two weeks, after mastitis and a fever of 103, not to mention brain fog and the anger I was beginning to feel, we decided to formula feed our baby. In retrospect I wish we had not made that decision, but at the time it was the only way I could see to survive. I pumped for two months, and after that, our Screamer was a formula baby.

Believe it or not, 19 months later we had our second, a girl. She was a sleeper. It was then that I realized that the Screamer was not "normal."

Well, what I mean is that a baby screaming all the time isn't right. He is perfectly healthy, but something wasn't right about him screaming all the time. Some people call it "colic" which I don't believe in. It is just a name given to babies who cry for certain periods during certain parts of the day. Others call it "high needs," depending on other characteristics that are present. And some babies have other symptoms which might lead to a diagnosis like infant reflux.

But the point is, we want to make the crying stop, or at least figure out the cause. Babies cry to let us know something is wrong, whether it is a dirty diaper, hunger, pain or discomfort, boredom, or overstimulation. They don't just cry to make you angry, they cry to express something to you. Often, they cry to say, "I just spent 9 months in a warm, safe, cozy little nest, and I WANT BACK IN!" And until they get used to their new world, they are going to cry.

What do you do when the baby won't stop crying? After you know that the diaper is dry, the baby has been fed and burped, what do you do? Here are a few tips:
1. Swaddle him- simulates the womb
2. Make sure he is not too hot or too cold
3. Sing quietly in his ear
4. Weather permitting, take him outside. A change of scenery often helps.
5. If you suspect gas (pulling up legs, twisting body) give gas drops
6. Place him in infant swing
7. Wear him on your chest
8. Learn infant massage techniques
9. Always stay calm.
10. If you start to feel angry at your baby out of frustration, hand him over to someone else. If you are alone with your baby, place him in his crib or other safe spot and go to another room until you are able to try again. Soon, he may be ready to eat again.
11. Pray. (This is not a joke. I will tell you a good story one day.)

These are some of the things that worked for us, and as we continue, we will provide more tricks of the trade. The most important thing is number 10.

I have not discussed infant reflux yet, a major cause of crying infants. THAT is a subject for another day, and one that I hope helps all moms with crying babies who also can't seem to hold down their milk. Yes, my Screamer was one of these, too...